No longer 15
True, I do occasionally long to be several kilograms lighter, and to be able to run as fast as I could when I was 20, but I am reminded how horrible the teenage years were.
Driving home tonight, I was listening to the Violent Femmes' first album. That album resonated with my adolescent self, as it just sums up that frustration and angst and desire and inability of a regular 15-year-old.
For instance:
Ya know that I want your loving
but my logic tells me it ain't never gonna happen
and then my defenses say I didn't want it anyway
but you know, sometimes I'm a liar.
- Promise, Violent Femmes
Now that I'm happily married, and happily middle-aged (whatever that really means), those days of confusion and despair and conflict seem light-years ago. Not that I am perfect, or have become completely emotionally stable, but I am pleased that I no longer have to wrestle with such turbulent emotions.
I can enjoy the music, but I'm no longer the teenager who needs to find "someone who understands" in a song, because there's not a single other human being I'm connecting with out there.
Reflections on Church Membership
Some thoughts on Church Membership; specifically, membership at Soma.
We want to emphasise that membership at Soma is significant. It's not something that comes low on your list of priorities after family, study, work, etc. Rather, being part of Soma is a significant commitment, that necessitates responsibility.
But I think we want to stress that it's not an obligation thing, but rather a significant relational thing. That is, it's more like joining a family than a paid employment situation in a job. Which means its flexible to a certain extent, but is no less strong a commitment.
So two metaphors that might influence membership: adoption, and marriage. Both of these are biblical images, and are applied to God and his elect, and Jesus and the church. Which mean they're relevant, but we don't want to ascribe any additional special significance to these. Nevertheless, Soma membership is akin to adoption; and Soma as a church is committing to look after and care for prospective members; not merely their spiritual needs, but their physical and emotional well-being. And it's not a one-way relationship; by becoming a member, we ask you to care for other people at Soma. For sanity's sake, the Gospel Communities are the vehicles in which the primary focus of reciprocal care takes place. You are called to love everybody; but you're only called to love a few people a lot.
Secondly, membership is like marriage. It's a significant commitment, but not inflexible (unlike, say, full-time work). Although the commitment is significant, it can be flexed around other things. A husband or wife knows that their spouse needs to be at work between 9-5; but finds other times to spend quality time. However if a job seriously impinges on their relationship, then for the sake of the marriage, one might choose to find a less demanding job. Similarly, although my wife might make allowances for the fact that I, as as student, need to study, I might sacrifice my HD and be content with a Credit, in order to love my wife and family better.
Death?
What is death?
I wonder if we superimpose our ideas of death: back onto the Bible. So we think physical death, or perhaps the second death, burning in the fires of hell.
But ultimately, Death is: separation from God.
Hence physical death and spiritual death are ways of being separated from God. Jesus' death, whether or not he actually "descended into hell", was hell for him because he was separated from God's presence.
So the day that Adam and Eve were excluded from God’s presence, they, in some sense, have died.
Does God Change His Mind?
Yesterday's tutorial discussion in Theology: Does God Change his mind? Does God "repent" (or relent)? Does God say one thing and do another?
The weight of biblical evidence seems to say that God doesn't change his mind:
God is not a man who lies, or a son of man who changes His mind. Does He speak and not act, or promise and not fulfill?
- Numbers 23:19
Furthermore, the Eternal One of Israel does not lie or change His mind, for He is not man who changes his mind.
- 1 Samuel 15:29
26They will perish, but You will endure; all of them will wear out like clothing. You will change them like a garment, and they will pass away. 27 But You are the same, and Your years will never end. 28 Your servants' children will dwell securely, and their offspring will be established before You.
- Psalms 102:26-28
Because I, Yahweh, have not changed, you descendants of Jacob have not been destroyed.
- Malachi 3:6
Because God wanted to show His unchangeable purpose even more clearly to the heirs of the promise, He guaranteed it with an oath, 18 so that through two unchangeable things, in which it is impossible for God to lie, we who have fled for refuge might have strong encouragement to seize the hope set before us.
- Hebrews 6:17-18
Every generous act and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights; with Him there is no variation or shadow cast by turning.
- James 1:17
That's quite an impressive list. But as I read the context of each of these quotes, most of them seem questionable.
In Numbers, Balak, King of Moab, is trying to convince Balaam to curse the Israelites. Instead, Yahweh gives Balaam blessings to pronounce on the Israelites. Balak twice tries to change Balaam's (and Yahweh's) blessings into curses, and fails. In this context, Yahweh says through Balaam, that he's not fickle like a man, and so Balak can't (and won't) change Yahweh's mind.
Similarly, in Samuel, the prophet has pronounced, "Yahweh has rejected you from being king over Israel". Saul here is trying to get Yahweh to change his mind, and thus Samuel's response.
James 1:17 also seems to have changeable and fickle human nature in mind when contrasting with the unchangeability of God. Contrast v17 ("every generous and perfect gift comes from God...with Him there is no variation") with v5 ("if any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God") and v6 ("ask in faith without doubting, for the doubter is like the surging sea.").
Psalm 102 is something different again. The superscription describes this as, "A prayer of an afflicted man. When he is faint and pours out his lament before the LORD." In his appeal to clemency from God, he appeals to God's unchangeability (v28) in light of his compassion (v13) and mercy (v19-20). So he is begging, "God, be who you have always been and save me." That's not to say it's a wrong observation, but he's not appealing to God to change a prior decision, like Hezekiah seems to be doing in 2 Kings 20:1-11.
Suddenly, the weight of biblical evidence doesn't look so heavy after all.
Bible Reading
Topic for the week: Bible Reading.
Normally, when a discussion like this comes up, my biggest fear is coldness, analytical-ness, arrogance. I know stuff, I think quickly, I process quickly.
I am bad at Bible reading, and I tend to read for purpose (Bible Study, preaching, essay), and not for food.
My life has been difficult recently; I am a full-time carer twice over, whilst trying to keep my College work ticking over, and for once in my life, I can justifiably think to myself, I am too busy. My conscience, for once, is not burning.
But in this time of personal turmoil, I find God doing interesting things in my life. I actually find God opening a bigger hole in my life. I find myself thirstier, hungrier for God’s word.
This morning, I desperately wanted to be at Chapel on time, but by the time I had dealt with my son, my wife had woken up, and I had forgotten to put out breakfast and the like, and by the time I got to college, I had missed 15 minutes of the sermon.
And I found, apart from my frustration at not being on time, I feel desperate to hear from God’s word, and even the small amount I heard I drank in eagerly.
I have been intending to read through Romans in one sitting; not simply because I have an essay to write on Romans, but to soak in it, to become more familiar with it, so that the necessity of essay writing will force me to interact with God’s word; read it without glossing over it.
And I haven’t found a chance to carve out several hours to sit down, and I long for it. I yearn for it. It tears me up!
Obedience that comes from Faith
...the obedience that comes from faith.
- Romans 1:5b (NIV)
I was just pondering this this morning. Naturally, Christianity is a faith-based work; obedience comes after faith, in response to faith in God, and his Son, attested to by his descent from David and the power of the Holy Spirit.
But as I read it to Micah, I was considering the obedience that we want our children to have. Godly children should obey their parents. Does that obedience also come about through faith?
Perhaps that obedience comes about because of their faith in God, that they trust their parents.
But I think also that there's a certain trust-relationship that ought to exist between parent and child. Because I have shown my child(ren) love and gentleness and care and patience and attentiveness, they can trust in me, and respond in faith and thus obedience.
Do children tend to be more obedient when their parents are trustworthy? Do they obey parents they think are worthy of their faith?
Do children have faith at all in their parents?
Perhaps that's expressive of a relationship. God, Yahweh, is our father, and the perfect model of fatherhood. Fatherhood is a loving relationship of provision and care and love. If that sort of relationship exists between parent and child, then faith perhaps is the correct response.
How then to act in such a way as to provoke faithful response in the child?
(No answers here yet!)
Malaysian Experience
Thus far, it's been a fun trip to Malaysia, and it's been fun re-experiencing Malaysia through the eyes of Sarah and Micah. Experiences include:
- We were allowed to bring our wonderful pram with us, but we had to check it with the rest of the luggage. As a result, Micah had the loan of an extremely dignifying pink stroller.
- Flying on an airplane with a baby. All things considered, Micah was very well behaved, and charmed the people sitting behind us. One lady in particular was enthralled.... we realised that her husband was Chinese, and she was Caucasian, which explains the cluckiness, no?
- Arriving at Kuching at midnight, local time = 3am Sydney time. Zombies disembark from the plane, and nod dumbly before crashing into strange beds.
- Glad to see my Ah Ma (grandmother) in ruddy good health. Catching up mainly involves a lot of head nodding, being fed food, guessing at what she's trying to say in Hokkien (one of the five non-Mahjong related words I know is: "Jia" = eat), occasional translation from my Dad, and lots of doting over Micah.
- Felt nostalgic playing Mahjong with Ah Ma. I basically get to play Mahjong once every few years when I see my grandmother, (from playing... well, ludicrously often in high school). The frisson of the first half-hour of playing was hard to describe. Probably a good deal of nostalgia flooding in.
- Re-introducing Sarah to (a small cross-section) of my large and wonderful extended family, who would all like nothing better than to feed you.
- A bombardment of wonderful local foods: Roti Chennai, Satay, Laksa, Kolo Mee, Char Kuay Teow, Char Ju Mee, Kueh of all varieties, and then fruits: miniature bananas, rambutans, lychees, papaya (paw paw), mangosteens, lang sat, and varieties of crazy jungle fruit, picked from the jungle and brought straight to your local fruit seller.
- Pleasantly surprised to find myself enjoying driving in Kuching. Lonely Planet notes that Sarawakian drivers are a good deal more sane than the rest of Malaysian drivers. In Australia, maybe 5-10% of the people on the road are P-platers and/or hoons, but in Kuching, everyone drives, on average, 10% more dangerously. Which means that everyone's expecting you to drive a bit crazily, and nobody horns you when you cut in front of them, because they're sorta expecting it. And three-lane roundabouts are fun.
- Amused by street names in Kuching. In a town where street-names are long (Jalan Tun Ahmad Zaidi Adruce, Jalan Datuk Amar Kalong Ningkan, equivalent to naming a street: Brigadier-General Sir Walter Henry FitzWilliam), there's a major road called Jalan Rock, which translates to Rock Street, or perhaps: Rocky Road.
- Impressed by the speed at which Ah Ma, unbidden, produced pants for Micah, "to protect him from the mosquitos"
- Still fascinated by James Brooke, the first White Rajah of Sarawak. Sarah and I enjoyed an afternoon at the Sarawak Museum, reading up on Sarawak history, and all the ins and outs of how an Englishman ended up being appointed Rajah, and his short dynasty.
- Appallingly bored by the Sarawak Museum's Petrified Wood exhibition. The only exhibition we needed to pay to get into (RM4 each), to see a large collection of... rocks. Rocks that look like wood. Placed on actual wood, to hold them up. Petrified wood fetches a fair price in Malaysia (a small chunk can be worth RM30, large chunks probably hundreds or even thousands), so it must have cost them a fortune to acquire the collection, but what a boring collection! I'm sure it's fascinating to the right people who can recognise the different bontanical markers, and which extinct tree is which, but to me? Chunks of wood-shaped rock. Meh.
- Surprised, then charmed, then annoyed by the maid who comes in and tidies our room. Ah Ma has an Indonesian maid who's supposed to help her with household chores. Except my Ah Ma wants to do everything herself (and is still capable of it), so she frequently sends the maid to my uncle's house (where we're staying) to tidy and sweep the floors. She also tidies the rooms, folding all our clothes and bedclothes. The first time it's surprising, then charming, but after the tenth time of not being able to find something in the place where I left it, it's @#!% annoying.
Something about Mary
I've noticed that we as Protestants tend to beat down on Mary (the mother of Jesus) a lot.
Recently, I heard someone say, "Mary wasn't anything special. She was just another chick."
Another person started making negative comments when they heard a reference to Mary in a Christmas song (sung by a non-Christian no less).
It is plain that we want to avoid veneration of Mary in the way that Catholics do. We want to affirm the virgin birth, but reject the perpetual virginity of Mary. We want to reject Mary as Mediatrix, because we know that with Jesus as our high priest, we have direct access to God the Father.
But we shouldn't just react by relegating Mary to "super-ordinary".
Scripture acknowledges Mary as a godly woman. God himself is pleased, even delighted with her (Luke 1:30) and she responds to what is not just amazing and wonderful news, but shocking and traumatic news with faith and humble submission to God's purposes: "I am the LORD's slave; may it be done according to his will." (Luke 1:38). Indeed, her Magnificat (Luke 1:46-55) is, like Hannah's song, an acknowledgement and a deep understanding of how God works: the LORD who exalts the humble and brings down the proud and mighty. (c.f. Simeon's words - Luke 2:34)
Elizabeth too acknowledges this (I suspect prophetically): "She who has believed is blessed because what was spoken to her by the Lord will be fulfilled!" (Luke 1:45).
Mary is a woman of faith, humility, and we would do well to acknowledge her as a model of faithfulness, as much as Moses, David, Daniel.
Looking back on 2009
The New Year is a time to look forward and look back.
Much happened in 2009, and God has blessed us greatly.
2009
- We bought a house (albeit subsidised heavily by my parents)
- We started at Bible College (SMBC)
- We had a baby—the delightful Micah!
- We started Soma with Pete and various others.
- We made significant progress with the Geeks Ministry (which I mention because that's likely to occupy a large proportion of my time sometime in the future.)
All in all, it's been a pretty momentous year. I've only really mentioned the big things; there've been lots of small things too.
Lessons
I've learnt a lot too. Bible College has taught me a lot; and notwithstanding all the stuff I've learnt, it's shaped me a great deal as a person, as a Christian. Not only have I met many wonderful people, but I've also had the influence of their lives in my life, and it has been an especial joy to meet the Bible College lecturers and witness their faith and lives. Someone it is not incongruous to combine the scholastic with joy, the academic with godliness and warmth and wit and humour and gentleness. The staff at SMBC are such an immense variety of people, from different backgrounds and traditions and possessing different ideas and dispositions, but nevertheless, the staff are all godly men and women who love Jesus. I love seeing diversity and unity at work.
I've appreciated having godly models to follow, because in reality, Christianity is as much caught as taught. Christianity is about following, not learning.
It's been wonderful to have such a range of godly men and women to follow.
I've also learnt lots about fatherhood, and about myself. I worried before Micah was born, because I am the least clucky person I know. Having Micah confirmed that for me at first, because many of my male friends were able to summon levels of cluck that I haven't been able to do for other people's children.
But I've changed. I'm very glad about that. Sarah thinks it's wonderful how clucky I am about Micah. And I am. I love Micah, and I can't get over how wonderful he is. I could go on, but I won't.
I'm hoping that all my thoughts and ideas about fatherhood will crystallise over the coming years. I have a perfect idea in my head of how I ought to raise Micah (and the children to follow) and I imagine the difficulty will be to a) stay the course, and b) realise that I'm wrong in various ways.
I also surprised myself this year. In 2009, I started gardening, and started baking sourdough. Our vegetable garden has worked well this year. Our tomatoes and carrots are growing well now, and the snow peas and pak choy went crazy in spring. My potatoes died, and I'm going to have to do something about that. And I have really enjoyed baking sourdough. I suspect it's bad to be eating this much bread, but there's something lovely and organic about cooking with sourdough that I don't really get from making normal bread. I'm getting better (I really should start posting photos).
Regrets
In 2009, I haven't read my Bible nearly enough. That's probably a strange thing for a Bible College Student to say, but it is. Things have been hectic, no doubt, but I don't think that's an excuse I'm allowed to make. If I don't read my Bible now, I won't read it in years to come, when I have less biblical input, less time, less opportunity. 2010, I need to read my Bible more.
In 2009, I didn't exercise enough. My excuse, once again is secure: a knee reconstruction, and a baby, have taken away a lot of my time and ability. But I'm much behind on my rehab. I need to get in the gym in 2010, strengthen my knee, and get back into running. 2010 may be the year I start riding a bike. We'll see.
There is nothing new to Googlewhack under the sun.
I was reflecting just now (and I don't really know where it came from; I just woke up in the middle of the night and it was there), that our very common response to a problem (for instance, "Why is a a laser red?" or "Will a Wii play DVDs?") is to Google it (probably through your iPhone).
So much so that "to google" has become a verb, from the proper noun ("Google").
What you invariably find is that someone has asked the question before, in some form or other.
Anyway, the extreme rarities of the Googlewhack actually goes some way to proving the truth of the statement: "There is nothing new under the sun." (Ecc 1:9).
Humans think the same things. Humans ask the same questions. Humans don't innovate; much as there is innovative thought over the course of human development, most of our thinking is repetitive and cyclical.
